Wrestle Wipe 2019: Jan-Mar

January

– PROGRESS starts the year as appropriately as they could.

With a warning.

– Priscilla Kelly uses a bloody tampon in a wrestling spot (shoving it into her opponents mouth). Some people get mad, and some people get mad at the people getting mad. Standard Twitter stuff.

– The first NXT-UK Takeover takes place featuring a tremendous opening tag (Moustache Mountain vs Grizzled Young Vets) with everything else bordering on average and dull. The main event, Pete Dunne vs Joe Coffey, went five hours in a tedious Levesque-Hickenbottom special. Woeful stuff. WALTER made his debut afterwards to much acclaim.

– Finn Balor replaces Travis Banks at NXT-UK Takeover and goes over Jordan Devlin in typical WWE ‘What A Moment!’ booking. The bootlicking faithful tried to defend this, saying it gave Devlin the rub, however Devlin didn’t appear at another Takeover all year and Travis Banks lost to Noam Dar at Takeover:Cardiff before melting away into the background.

– NXT go with the “Gargano and Ciampa are tag partners” storyline, in a desperate attempt to prolong a feud that should’ve ended back in April 2018.

– After winning the Royal Rumble the year prior, Shinsuke Nakamura appears on the Royal Rumble pre-show.

– Pete Dunne made his main roster debut as the number 18 entry in the Rumble.

– NOAH ditched their famous green mat, further distancing themselves from the days of Misawa.

– KUSHIDA faced off against Hiroshi Tanahashi before heading off to WWE/NXT

– WWE held their inaugural Worlds Collide tournament to the rapturous sounds of deafening silence from the Axxess audience.

– Pete Dunne, Trent Seven and Tyler Bate appear on daytime TV’s Good Morning Britain to announce the opening of the WWE UK performance centre. They also chatted about Veganism, causing hundreds of mum’s and dad’s to flood the comments with their disgust.

– AJ Styles appears on Louder With Crowder to moan about PC culture. The show is hosted by noted right-wing transphobe Steven Crowder, whose merch includes t-shirts that read “SOCIALISM IS FOR F*GS”.

– Vicky Guerrero has a rant on Twitter about immigrants, ending her tirade with #ivoteforwall. The (quickly deleted) rant went;

“Insight for my morning…boarding a plane this morning and 10 illegals are being flown to Houston, handcuffed returning to their country. I was talking to the customs agent…guess who is paying for their plane tickets…you and me! #ivoteforwall

– WWE announced that Dean Ambrose will not be renewing his contract with them when it expires in April.

February

– Due to travel restrictions, almost no Japanese talent appears on New Japan’s tour of the US.

– At an AEW press conference in Las Vegas, the Lucha Bros attack the Young Bucks. The AEW roster starts to take form, with several wrestlers making appearances, and connections with AAA and OWE are established.

– Corey Graves went on a warpath on Twitter that started off as “Oh, Corey is a right-wing dickhead” & ended up with us worrying about his mental state. Jonathan Coachman also liked Corey’s tweets during the bizarre tirade. Corey was dunked on several times in the mess.

– WWE decide to shoehorn Charlotte into the great Ronda Rousey vs Becky Lynch WrestleMania feud, because WWE just can’t tell a simple, compelling main event story without over-complicating things.

– Jimmy Uso is arrested for Disorderly Conduct.

– Johnny Gargano slaps his own thigh whilst delivering a chop. This was shown on NXT, a pre-taped pro wrestling television show on the award winning WWE Network.

– Will Ospreay vs PAC at Rev Pro goes to a time-limit draw. This proved to be a very unpopular finish in a match filled with ref bumps and run-ins from CCK.

– Hairy Wrestling Fan publishes his infamous “Top 10 Important Wrestlers In Japanese Po Wrestling History” article;

Honourable mentions: Jushin Liger. Kazuchika Okada. Lou Thez. Akira Taue. Tetsuya Naito. Kenta Kobashi. Ultimo Dragon. Stan Hansen. Dump Matsumoto & Bull Nakano.

Number 10: Bullet Club.

– KENTA is released from his WWE contract.

– Brad Sheppard shows how smart and great he is by talking out of his arse in regards to KENTA’s career;

– Some fan with a deathwish decides to fuck with Eddie Kingston at an AAW show, so Eddie rightfully fucks back ten times as hard and the fan is told to get to fuck.

– TJP is released from WWE after tweeting about how excited he is for WrestleMania season.

– Roman Reigns announced that his leukemia was now in remission, and that his return to the ring would imminent. Surely not even WWE could fuck up this monumental, feel-good, wholesome return to the ring, right? Right?

March

– During WXW’s 16 Carat Gold weekend, a video is played that talks about the WWE/WXW relationship which included this soundbite from Canyon Ceman;

“We want to work with companies who do things the right way.”

Fucking hell.

– WWE drag Reid Flair’s name into yet another storyline, this time as a vehicle in the Triple H/Batista feud. Hunter went from joking about attending Ric’s weddings and went right into AND I WAS THERE WHEN WE BURIED YOUR SON, RIC!

– Kurt Angle’s retirement match is set for WrestleMania against Baron fucking Corbin.

– “Luke Perry was a big wrestling fan but most people probably know him as an actor” – Dave Meltzer on Luke Perry.

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