Wrestle Wipe 2019: July-September

July

– WE THE INDEPENDENT officially launches.

– Jeff Cobb appears on Talk Is Jericho and outs himself as a Flat Earther, before admitting, “I’m not the brightest person in the world”.

– GCW’s Backyard Wrestling show launches the career of Alex Zayne, shines a huge light on Tony Deppen, and is an incredibly fun event all-round. It also saw Luke Hadley accidentally fire a roman candle into his own face. It was amazing.

– New Japan hold their G1 Dalls show. It’s critically acclaimed but held in an barely full venue due to New Japan not advertising the top matches (OKADA VS TANAHASHI! IBUSHI VS KENTA!) in time.

– Enzo Amore and Joey Janela have a scuffle at a Blink 182 gig. Video shows Janela in a drunken, wobbly, almost comedic defensive fighting stance whilst Enzo is jibber-jabbering away. It’s all very awkward.

– Only a few shows into the G1, Will Ospreay announces that he is dealing with an injury AND STILL manages to have a kick arse tournament. Ibushi also wrestles the entire tour with a duff ankle. Fucking hard as nails, the both of them.

– AEW’s Fight For The Fallen PPV goes about highlighting a bad habit of theirs; needlessly long matches;
Adam Page vs Kip Sabian – 19:05
Young Bucks vs The Brotherhood – 31:25
Kenny Omega vs Cima – 22:30
And worst of all, Brandi Rhodes vs Allie – 11 fucking minutes.

– After nine years, Colt Cabana’s incredibly influential Art Of Wrestling podcast, in it’s original interview format, comes to an end.

– TOMOHIRO ISHII VS JON MOXLEY AT THE G1! PRO WRESTLING, BABY!

– Taz(z) scolds Dominik Dijakovic for using the Taz(z)mission without his prior blessing. Pro wrestling etiquette continues to be counter-productive.

– SANADA and Kota Ibushi continue their tradition of having awkward, weird G1 matches together.

– ROH runs a show at the Hammerstein with what look liked 54 people in attendance.

– GCW announces Jon Moxley for Bloodsport 2! He is scheduled to face Josh Barnett, and we were all looking forward to it.

– WXW announce that they’re doing away with their original entrance themes and will instead be using the same kind of bland themes that PROGRESS and NXT-UK use.

– Jimmy Uso is arrested, this time for a DUI, which would be his third at this point having also had DUI infractions in 2011 and 2013.

– Jon Moxley has a better run with New Japan in a few short months than he did with anything with WWE post-Shield.

– David Starr becomes NXT-UK’s public enemy No.1 for attempting unionisation within wrestling. The Defend Indy Wrestling lads are especially offended, going out of their way to defend WWE and NXT-UK.

– On the same day that New Japan has Sabre vs Ospreay, Smackdown begins their Roman Reigns WHODUNNIT?! story with someone pushing some equipment onto the Big Dawg.

– Gunner Miller has a shitty little bitter rant on Facebook about Marko Stunt getting an AEW contract.

August

– He’s all ready been doing it for a few years, but ZSJ REALLY cemented himself as wrestling’s best post-match talker during the G1. Whether he won or lost, he was gold. His hatred for Boris Johnson, the Conservative Party and the New Japan decor was tremendous.

– Bryce Remsburg officially signs with AEW and the whole world rejoices!

– A fan at an NXT show throws up a Nazi salute at Marcel Barthel, so Marcel publicly puts the guy on blast. The fan is eventually thrown out by security but is let back in anyway.

– Cain Velasquez dons a lucha mask and does some flippy shit at TripleMania XXVII.

– Defiant closes it doors for good. Some would argue that it’s due to WWE’s moves within the UK market. Some will argue that it’s both that and their output not being competitive. Some will continue to lick the WWE’s salty taint.

– Paul Robinson does an anti-unionist, very Tory-sounding promo at PROGRESS which garners big cheers & applauds from the PROGRESS crowd (we’d later learn from a podcast with Robinson that this was not the intention but the PROGRESS fans are obviously mutants & cheered anyway).

– SHINGO VS ISHII!!!! OOOH YES, PROFESSIONAL FUCKING WRESTLING, BABY!!

– A fan in the front row falls asleep at ROH Summer Supercard during the main event. Alex Shelly even manages to take off the guy’s shoe and use it as a weapon.

– The Johnny Garagno vs Adam Cole 2/3 falls contest ends in a self-indulgent, ‘WWE MOMENT’-filled Ambrose Asylum match, and half the wrestling fanbase shits on it whilst the other half get overly defensive by calling it the greatest match of all time.

– I must add that this was the NXT Takeover event where Mauro’s commentary crossed the line from ‘Enthusiastic and charming’ to ‘Absolute wank’. Joshi Judas? Joshi fucking Judas!? Get in the bin.

– The wrestling community collectively clench their buttocks as WON reports on WWE’s interest in purchasing FITE TV, in yet another attempt to monopolise and control the pro wrestling industry. FITE TV quickly deny that they’re selling to WWE.

– AJ Styles vs Ricochet have an incredibly watered down, WWE-style ‘slow it down, brother!’ match in front of a disinterested crowd at Summerslam. WWE in a nutshell.

– AEW signs Orange Cassidy and all the folk who bum off Cornette/Russo/the very realistic Attiude Era throw a massive bitch fit. Also, see; AEW signs Marko Stunt.

– “There’s egg on his face…. but it’s private egg” – Dave Meltzer on FOX/FS1 execs thinking that they also had NXT’s two hour Wednesday slot, only for NXT to debut on USA.

– “Over the long term, our goal is to develop a following that can be monetised to the same level as our flagship programs, Raw and SmackDown.” – VKM on NXT’s move to USA. You can really sense his passion for the product, pro wrestling and the WWE/NXT fans.

– Whether it was invisible men, Jordynne Grace, brainbusters on ladders, or Orange Cassidy, thousands of lonely virgins kept tagging Jim Cornette in everything. That’s usually an evergreen statement but that sad crowd was very, very active in August.

– Sha Samuels and Tel Banham wrestle around Preston high street, including a battle in Home Bargains where Sha suplexes Tel in aisle 1.

– WWE announce that they’re launching their own podcast network, so you can enjoy even more lukewarm, shallow content when you’re not watching WWE’s massive array of programming. WWE is life. WWE is your friend.

– Stephanie McMahon passes 3 million followers, and she thanks and tags the 3 millionth follower in a tweet. It just so happens that the three millionth follower was an account created that same month, with 14 followers/8 following, an avatar featuring a Bald Eage carrying an American flag and a single tweet that says “I enjoy WWE”.

– Meltzer goes on about Roman Reigns receiving no reaction at the cinema during his Fast 9 cameo. This includes all of Britain telling him that actual vocal whooping and hollering at the cinema is a USA practice & isn’t a UK thing, no matter how many MARVEL chuds say otherwise.

– GCW manage to tour Japan and put the shows up on VOD within days, unlike New Japan who would be taking 6 weeks to release their Super J Cup shows.

– Kota Ibushi becomes the first person to win the G1 after suffering a 0-3 start.

– Due to a case of MRSA, Jon Moxley has to pull out of his scheduled matches with Kenny Omega and Josh Barnett.

– PROGRESS put out a statement blaming their attendance woes on the pre-Brexit economy. Yep, absolutely nothing else, it’s solely on Brexit and it’s effects on people’s pockets. Nothing else. Right.

– Oh, on a related note, when one of the GRAPPL podcast hosts tweeted about this, the PROGRESS social media manager pulled a, “Can I speak with you manager, please?” when he grassed up the GRAPPL podcast to the GRAPPL App account. Cop Calling at it’s finest.

– Chasyn Rance is listed as 476 in the PWI 500. Yep, you read that right. Chasyn fucking Rance. Jesus wept.

– Shitty Twitter account VCR Wrestling tags DELTA in a very shitty tweet accusing Cody and Brandi of exploiting the service that lets you take your dog on a plane. He deactivated his account very soon after but he sadly came back.

– Pete Dunne has a rant about how he hates star ratings, because of course he did. Very on-brand.

– Okay so Rev Pro’s Summer Sizzler happened on Aug 30th. Nothing happened here, move on. Very uninteresting, uneventful show.

– All right, so David Starr & Will Ospreay killed themselves for what felt like hours in front of a mostly dead crowd before Andy Quildan wandered to the ring and treated us to every Attitude Era angle he could fit into a 8 minute block. Some folk liked it, most despised it.

– The finish is botched during Aussie Open vs Sha/Bodom. This results in Bodom assaulting the ref, & Sha sloppily body slamming him. The ref vented on social media afterwards & Bodom promptly retired from wrestling but not before airing Quildan’s/Rev Pro’s dirty laundry & DMs on social media.

– MK McKinnan also injured Jonathan Gresham which brought on a weird finish, bringing the total number of dodgy finishes to three. The crowd was also pretty dead all night, at least that’s how it seemed with Rev Pro’s shoddy audio mixing. Never change, lads.

– New Japan at the Copper Box. Suzuki faces Okada in front of a red hot crowd. Everyone, including myself, has a blast. Such a fun show.

– NXT-UK Takeover runs head-to-head with New Japan’s London show. Tyler Bate vs WALTER have a great 90’s All-Japan tribute match marred by the attention seeking crowd (especially that fucker in the front row WHO WOULD NOT SIT THE FUCK DOWN). The three-way tag is great too.

– And on the same day as those NXT-UK and New Japan shows, AEW’s All Out PPV also took place. It turns out to be a solid show, climaxing with Chris Jericho becoming the first AEW World Champion. “A little bit of the Bubbly!” is born in his post-match, backstage promo.

– Impact Wrestling, with their finger on the pulse, sign Johnny Swinger.

– The prices for yet another meet’n’greet with the Undertaker are revealed; £103 for an autograph (£203 for ‘premium’), £153 for a photograph and £510 for a photo, autograph and a selfie. Fleeced, the lot of them.

– PCO takes a bump to the outside and almost rips off his entire eyelid. It’s for fucking ROH though, so nobody takes notice or remembers.

September

– Chris Jericho loses the physical AEW heavyweight belt during a night out. “Witnesses say Irvine was ‘drunk and aggressively questioning the music selection’ “. The belt is eventually found and handed into the police, where they pose with it in photos.

– OWE-UK cancels all of it’s upcoming shows (five shows that were loaded with import talent) under very dubious circumstances. The guys dealing with the UK side post about their negative experience, and CIMA only finds out when he reads a Twitter thread about it. Credit to @BensonRichardE for the screencaps.

– Breed Wrestling is forced to cancel their Starrcave show on a week’s notice, with the most likely cause being some shitarse promoter/wrestler/fan calling up the council to quadruple check the paperwork.

– Southside announces that they are closing up shop, that they will hold their final show on 26th October and that they will merge with Rev Pro.

– Matt Riddle posts a video where he complains about no one giving him a ride to work, and Ciampa tells him to go fuck himself.

– Anthem (the shite Owl-based wrestling company run by Nazis, not the shite FPS live service) buys AXS TV, which just so happens to be the US home of New Japan as well as Impact.

– The BrokenRingWrestling promoter gets creepy when he demands wrestler’s phone numbers. Despite the talent saying social media is the best way to reach them, BRW continuously say that it is “Non nagotable”. BRW then proceed to spend the day making tits of themselves on Twitter. Credit to @chakarawrestler and @jaydewrestler_ for the DM screencaps.

– Danny Duggan gets some flack for going over fan fave The Ojmo at PROGRESS’ Natural Progression Series. Spike Trivet then goes online to moan and call everyone bullies for not letting his mate Danny have his moment.

– PROGRESS hold their big annual September supershow at Ally Pally to little fanfare. David Starr faces WALTER in the main event, only for Eddie Dennis to do the cash-in gimmick and pin Starr for the title. Yep.

– Hairy Wrestling Fan is outed as a serial creeper (unsolicited dick pics, ahoy!), 20 minutes into his Cultaholic residency. He quickly deletes his website, Twitter account and leaves Cultaholic. You hate to see it happen.

-“(KUSHIDA) sounds like something I’d order at a Japanese restaurant” – Brad Shepard outs himself as a bit of a racist.

– David Bixenspan writes a longform feature on Nick Gage and is officially certified as an MDK gang member by The King himself.

– American sports pundit Keith Olbermann, along with a slew of Baseball fans, get mad online about Braun Strowman getting interviewed during a Cubs vs Cardinals game.

– Some of the first still-images from WWE 2K20 start doing the rounds and it doesn’t look good…

– “‘You’re going to see real stars, not developmental talent…If these guys were in the same show as me, they’d be in the dark match. They’d be in the opening match of my main event match.” – Kenny Omega on NXT. Fucking hell, lad.

– Kenny Omega refers to Dominik Dijakovic as ‘Donovan Dickhead’. I’m not a fan of BTE, but that was excellent.

– LK Mezinger has his gear stolen so the Schadenfreude lads buy him all new gear, including a new wheelie case.

– Tyler Bate turns up at Schadengraps, causing multiple NXT-UK flunkies to tweet about BritWres not actually being dead and WWE being actually good.

– WWE pulls six talents from Southside’s last ever show, including El Ligero, Kay Lee Ray and Joseph Conners, who are featured heavily in the advertising. Cody Rhodes hints that he’ll be more than happy to help Southside fill those six empty card slots.

– ITV’s initial plans to air AEW Wednesday Night Dynamite on Sunday morning and Monday midnight come to the forefront. It is met with burials and disappointment across the board. Remember when Cody was bigging up this huge UK TV deal?

– Pro Wrestling Circuit, based out of Georgia, advertise a ‘USA FLAG VS GAY FLAG’ match.

– Notable BritWres journo Will Cooling has a public back and forth with Tony Khan on Twitter regarding the latter’s (possible lack of) understating of OFCOM rules in regards to ad breaks.

– In what could be the second worst finish of the year, Trent Seven gets himself DQ’ed when he viciously attacks Noam Dar for rubbing his balls with Trent’s sacred hand towel.

– Seth Rollins gets into a back-and-forth with Sasha Banks and, predictably, ends up looking like a complete knob.

– Seth Rollins deactivated his Twitter (for a little bit).

– NJPW’s show at New York starts almost two hours late due to the legally required ambulances supposedly being cancelled beforehand (and they weren’t cancelled by New Japan…).

– Bit of an evergreen tidbit, but this month especially, ROH continue to draw flies.

– During Chikarasaurus Rex, CHIKARA announces in the middle of the show that the planned match of Joey Janela vs Mike Quackenbush isn’t happening. It is replaced by Hallowicked vs Janela instead.

– Climate Change takes a 30% increase in warmth due to @Alan4L telling his wonderful story of meeting Kenta Kobashi on the British Wrestling Experience podcast.

– @POSTwrestling reach their 10 year anniversary of reviewing past shows on very regular basis.

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